Are you out of touch with yourself? In fact, you may be; not tuned in, out of touch and causing damage to yourself and those around you. Life is so busy, and people follow so much of other’s agendas. Media demands that you pay attention to the latest things. Bosses expect you to do this, to do that. Friends and family have expectations, sometimes spoken, often unspoken. You comply without noticing. The result is living in something like a trance, out of touch with yourself. Life can be so full. When we should be more aware of our emotional state and better aware of how our deepest values play out in our lives, we instead often live out of touch with those values, and out of sync with family and friends. Then we find ourselves in places we did not intend to go.
Ever wonder how a seemingly moral husband can have an affair? Or how an outwardly upright businessperson can cheat customers or employees? How do people make wrong turns away from what they claim to believe and say they stand for? When she acts against her own values, she is out of touch with herself. When he breaks his own promises, betrays those he loves, he is out of touch with himself.
Someone told me recently that they plan to be more aware of their emotional state so they can respond better. This person has been emotionally abusive for many years but been in denial that their behavior was abuse.
It is not difficult to get into this kind of mess. All one has to do is keep on moving, never stop, never reflect, just do whatever is in front of you, whatever keeps the gears turning. Culture promotes this; stay busy and maximize your productivity. When you are tired, pick an addictive distraction like substances or screen time.
And the ego inside often has a very selfish agenda. It wants what it wants, when it wants it. You have good intentions so you can convince yourself that you are fine, you are a good person. All the while you are less than you could be. Worse, you may actually behave in ways that you would criticize in others. A notorious criminal in the news recently claimed, “I am a good man!”
But there is a better way than letting the ego take over. There is a better way than getting out of touch with yourself, and inflicting damage by staying out of touch. The antidote is not distractions. It is a very simple solution, though one that requires discipline and persistence. It is regular pausing. Time to be still. Periods of reflection. Taking time to evaluate why you are doing what you are doing. Pondering if you are going with your life where you want to go.
Pauses can be different lengths of time. It can be a short pause. Other times you need to just stop. Periodically you need to shut down everything and withdraw. Short pauses can reset your mind and body; these pauses can come several times throughout a day. Each of these is a “catch your breath” kind of pause with some deep slow breaths. Also needed are longer stops that allow time for reflection. They are intentional stops with time to compare what you are doing with what you say you stand for. The next level is also needed it’s a full withdrawal. Withdrawals take days or weeks. They are necessary to avoid mental or physical illness; you can choose withdrawal to find strength to get back into the fight. Or if you are already in the stage of burnout may need a withdrawal to heal from the damage. Withdrawal may include a retreat, getting into therapy, or intentional time of listening for the messages from God. It may require all of that.
In a powerful story a speaker said he was out jogging one morning and suddenly found himself in the gutter of the street crying uncontrollably and not knowing why. He was a high achiever, leading several big organizations, speaking to large audiences and having a big impact. Over the next few months he was forced to withdraw, learning he was burned out, emotionally damaged and physically exhausted. He was out of touch with himself. He had not paused, he had not stopped, he had not withdrawn. But now he was forced to withdraw. Better to work to stay in touch with yourself than to get so out of touch that a crisis has to happen to get your attention.
Let’s take a pause right now. Get in a comfortable position, away from most distractions, as possible. Sit or lie down. Close your eyes. Give attention to your body and notice how it feels. If you have aches or pains, allow them, don’t try to stop them. Just relax the muscles and joints around those areas. Take some long, slow breaths.
A simple pause can focus on grounding in the space where you are. What are your hands touching right now? Is it warm or cold? Where your feet or legs are touching, notice the pressure. Let yourself feel supported by the surface where you are. Relax. Imagine being inside your body and moving in your mind from area to area. How do your feet feel? Your legs? Your back, your belly? Notice chest, back, arms and head. Don’t make any big efforts to change how you feel, but relax as much as you can.
Now allow your mind to wander to your recent activity, which may be at home or at work. It can include projects or conversations. Are the things you have been doing feeling right to you? Are you able to say you are living according to your values? Or do some actions feel wrong and “not you?” Can you celebrate how you are spending your time? It doesn’t all have to be fun, but does what you do fit with who you say you are? Consider small changes you might make, not to increase guilt, but to make course corrections. Likely you have been doing the best you can. By pausing, you may be able to aim for better. Life can be clearer; you can work toward your best life.
How could you add pauses, stops, and shutdowns into your life? From the Bible, Proverbs 4:25-27 says:
Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.
Philippians 4:8 says: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
