Survive! Even When Hurt, Angry, & Scared

The bucket of your life that is always pouring out. Lately it is not getting enough to refill it. Self-care isn’t keeping up with your sacrifice of time and attention on others. It seems impossible to keep up with the bad news as the stresses of our world have gotten worse. Listen in for some understanding and tips for carrying on in tough times!

Transcript

Your shoulders rise up and pull toward your chest, like they have a mind of their own. Unease is palpable; fear comes as a shiver within. Reports of news near or far away make you sick to your stomach. What do you do when you are just emotionally blown away? How can you manage when you feel overwhelmed by emotion? What should you do? 

People of faith say, “trust God.” And you may decide that you should trust God. But you still have a human body that is all worked up, afraid of a dreaded outcome. Just what do you do with that? It won’t help to feel guilty about feeling afraid. It’s normal that you don’t feel trust and confidence when the signals around you tell you to be on alert and afraid. 

Many are sad. People are scared. Life is unpredictable. Institutions and people we counted on betray us, and it hurts. You lose confidence that things will work out. Promises are broken, support you expected didn‘t come through, what someone said turns out to be a lie. In our privileged world we want our cars and computers to just work, without breakdowns or hassles. We want government to be reliable too, working quietly in the background, but it isn’t. We’d like violence to stop. Even nature itself has destroyed and wounded with floods, tornados, and other storms. You get angry or become numb. Yet somehow, each day you must go on anyway. But there is too much to do, too much news to take in, there is just too much. 

I am emotionally sensitive to all this. Maybe you are too. 

Some people are not especially sensitive. They are not burdened by a sense of what others are going through, they don’t worry about injuries inflicted on the earth, they don’t notice what their own actions do to others. They don’t see injustice. Some folks look away from needs and hurts on purpose; they choose to be insensitive. Others are insensitive but simply don’t have the level of radar, the observation skills required to notice wounds around them. These are blind spots for them; they are not insensitive on purpose. Are you one who needs to pay more attention? You just need to notice your fellow life travelers and have more empathy.

For those of us who are sensitive, however, we see more than enough. Life has gotten more difficult. The bucket of life that is always pouring out is not getting enough to refill it. Self-care isn’t keeping up with the sacrifice of time and attention on others. It’s not keeping up with the bad news as the stresses of our world have gotten worse. As a sensitive friend of mine said, “So much gets taken emotionally without our permission.”

Do you spend yourself in empathy for others and have nothing left for your own place on the earth? The way I see it, us sensitive folks have to accept that we are depleted at times. We cannot give and give and not take enough for our own well-being. An empty container can’t pour out anything for anyone else. 

The task seems to be 1. Notice your current levels of fuel. 2. When near empty, plan some options for refilling. 3. Refill! Take action for yourself. It is not selfish, it’s necessary. Do it so you can be able to help someone else (and yourself).

Pause quietly with me a few minutes. Notice how your body feels in whatever position you are in right now. If possible, get comfortable but stay alert. Mentally scan yourself from head to toes, noticing any tightness, notice holding, clinging, congestion. Where possible, let it go. Now ask yourself: How is the tender part of me? Is your sensitivity nearing burn out? Are you weary of worrying about others? Do the stories you hear turn your stomach? Is your body saying it has had too much? Whatever you feel is Okay, you can own it. Maybe what overwhelms you is very personal, it only applies to you. That’s okay; you have your personal levels of tolerance. Or maybe what disturbs and drains you is community wide, country wide or world-wide. Allow the feelings to be true for you. If you feel sick, disturbed, angry, or afraid about things that are happening, sit with these feelings, don’t try to deny them. Don’t numb out because it’s too big and don’t take on the full responsibility for the problems.

Examine expectations you have of yourself. Nobody is “on” all the time, alert and sensitive to others all the time. Nobody has power to do everything they want. Allow yourself to be what you are, a limited human being. Sit with your wonderful but limited self for a while. Accept yourself, who you are, what you are able to do, how you already love and support those around you, though you’re imperfect at it. Challenge yourself to do your best and yet still be realistic. 

Nobody is “on” all the time, perfect all the time, alert all the time, kind, sweet, with it, assertive, thoughtful, attentive, insightful, faithful, rested, pleasant, fun to be around all the time. Since we can’t do anything all the time, I invite you to not hold yourself to an unrealistic standard. Give others and yourself grace.

The serenity prayer says, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” May that be your prayer and pattern for life. 

Let go of the anger and fear. Place trust in more reliable places. Turn down the noise of media reports and choose instead to trust yourself and God. Do what you can to stand up, speak your opinion, actively love, and affect the world in the ways possible for you.