It's Okay to Interrupt

If you don't have the skill of interrupting you need it! Your life and contentment depends on it. Consider why and how to interrupt in your inner life so you can "take your thoughts captive" and not be captive to your thoughts!

Transcript

Practice Interrupting

Do you know anyone who interrupts you before you can finish your thoughts? Isn’t that frustrating? You speak and they jump in to ask a question you are about to answer if they would just wait and listen, or they make an unrelated comment, and you feel disregarded and unseen.   When I was a teenager, my friends and I talked over each other all the time. We were so excited to share whatever came to mind that we wouldn’t wait until our friends stopped talking, we’d just say it over whatever others were saying. Maybe teens still do that; I know some groups of adults do it because they’re excited about being together.

On the other hand, do you know anyone who will take over the floor? They do a long monologue whether anyone else is showing any interest. They drone on and on about something they find fascinating but no one around them is interested.   In conversation, it’s good to interrupt once in a while, in a respectful way. You know, listen for the main points, jump in when you want to clarify something or express interest.  Interrupting all the time is rude. But knowing how and when to interrupt is a useful skill. 

I have supervised therapists in training for many years now. One of the skills I feel they must learn is interrupting. Many people come to counseling for the first time and spend the first session just talking nonstop. Some people just talk nonstop in every session if the counselor lets them. They have so much on their mind or are so upset about their problems that they just talk without pause. Some other folks don’t know how to use therapy well, so they feel they must just talk. A good counselor will listen and let people finish their thoughts, usually. But therapy is different than a talk with family or friends; it needs to work toward a purpose. It also has a time limit. To make the best use of time, a good counselor will interrupt at times to clarify something or express curiosity. Big points that get glossed over need to be highlighted. Let’s say the person speaking says, “I was walking on the street, fell and spent four days in the hospital and then my mom had a birthday party, and we all had a good time.” Maybe a question about the four days in the hospital would be a good place to interrupt. 

Apply this to your thoughts and sensations. Each of us has a stream of thoughts running through our heads. We are thinking all the time about important and unimportant things. The thoughts go on and on. Thoughts, like webs, link one strand to another and another. This thought reminds you of that other thing which relates to something else. They come so fast and furious that you may not even notice all of them, but they affect your mood. It is easy to get lost in thoughts because they seem to have a life of their own. And unfortunately, we sometimes give them the key to our minds, and they take over. 

C.S. Lewis said, “It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural fussings and frettings; coming in out of the wind.” 

It's true. From the moment you wake in the morning, and even when you wake during the night, it’s like thoughts have been in a closet that they burst out of and into your awareness. They say, “look at me, I’m important!” Often, they say, “I’m a problem you need to solve, so don’t stop thinking about me until you get this solved.” Little tyrants, these thoughts can become, if we don’t step back from them and evaluate where we want to spend our attention. Not every thought or sensation deserves our immediate attention. And many don’t deserve attention at all. 

David Allen created the personal productivity system, “Getting Things Done” or “GTD.” In GTD any thought you have can create a new job for you. “We should paint the hallway,” or “I’ve got to get some more exercise,” or “I need to call that person,” all are thoughts that say you should do something. Then a bit of energy and brain space that Allen calls an “open loop,” gets  reserved to remember each job. You might not have actively decided to do these things, but it an open loop was created as if you did, because you didn’t actively decide not to do them, or write them down somewhere that you can refer to later. 

It may be rude to interrupt another person talking but you need to be able to interrupt your thoughts. When you catch thoughts, you can pause and decide if they need attention or action. When you let them run on autopilot, they take much of your time and energy you would better use on other things. 

There is a saying, “I’m entertaining the idea” of something. It might be to take a trip, begin a project, end a relationship. Think about it, “entertaining an idea.” You have invited the idea over, you are giving it a tour of your house, offering it food, giving it space in your life. That ought to be done intentionally, don’t you think? Any idea that you begin entertaining is getting some power over you. A bible scripture says, “take every thought captive,” which is quite different than “entertaining” them. Don’t “entertain” thoughts accidentally. They are not your boss. They likely didn’t come from God, but just from some stimuli in your environment. A “take charge” attitude can allow that some thoughts are important, they might have even have a divine origin. But most don’t and we have to sort out the weeds, “take every thought captive,” not be taken captive by our thoughts. 

Meditate on this with me: Get comfortable in whatever setting you find yourself. Close your eyes if it is safe to do so. Inwardly notice your body sensations beginning with your feet. Allow yourself to settle into the chair or stance where you are right now. Focus your attention on your feet, then ankles, calves, knees, thighs, abdomen, belly, low back, chest, upper back, shoulders, arms, neck, then especially your head. Relax your jaw and your forehead. Inside that skull is where the thinking happens. Thoughts can be good or bad, happy or difficult, complicated or simple. 

What thoughts do you notice right now? There is no need to judge, just acknowledge the thoughts, and the feelings that go with them. If you find this difficult, remember that whatever you are experiencing is okay for now, whether the thoughts are good or bad, happy or difficult, complicated or simple. Awareness involves relaxing and letting what comes up to rise to your attention. Trying harder may not work; relaxed noticing usually does. 

Give simple names to what you think or feel. It might be “back ache,” or “thinking about work, thinking about food.” It can be another sense like smell or hearing. It can be thoughts like, “this meditation is weird.” Name it and allow it. You can be trying to solve a problem, or turning over a worry in your mind. Do not try to stop it, just notice the flow of thoughts, because it won’t be just one. 

Interrupt it by noticing your heartbeat or breathing. Choose one and notice the beats or breaths. Don’t try to control, to speed up or slow down either, just notice. The heart beats on its own, the lungs breath automatically. Just notice. If it helps, count the breaths or beats. Count “one, two, one, two,” or “one, two, three, four.” Then start again. 

This kind of interrupting breaks the automatic pattern. It will start again for sure, but breaking the pattern gives you a kind of power. It helps you see better that many of the thoughts and feelings don’t matter. And whether they matter or not, they are passing. They come and they go if we let them. And we can “take our thoughts captive,” if we step out of the stream from time to time and notice that we are not our thoughts; they come and go. You can have power to choose what they do to you, and whether you do what they tell you to do, like, “be angry,” or “worry about this,” or even, “be excited about that.”  Interrupt it by noticing your heartbeat or breaths.    Try practicing interrupting. Don’t let your mind run away with you!