They Tell Me I Should Be Upset

When the world around you seems to be going crazy, what can you do, where do you go to come back to center? 

Your want to feel safe and grounded. Your nervous system is seeking balance. And we will do almost anything to get balance, often unconsciously.  But how we get there includes some unique techniques. 

First you must: 1. Identify that you are upset and what upset you, 2. Consider whether its in your control to change, 3. Change it or learn to live with it.    

Transcript

Things have changed in the United States. Markets are down, other countries don’t want to work with our president, and he has made a lot of changes fast. The president doesn’t seem to like to collaborate, he likes to get his own way. 
 My friend Bill says I should be upset. And he’s got some good arguments. Because I am a sensitive guy, all this does bother me. Also, I tend to get upset when somebody says I should. 

My friend Don can’t understand why anyone is upset with the president. He thinks all of what he is doing is great. It’s wonderful that Google maps now call that southern body of water, “The Gulf of America.” People shouldn’t give the president a hard time, and if they do, they are radicals. Don is a good man. 

My energetic friend Kent does lengthy commentaries on what is going on, on social media. He writes about both the things that make the president look good, and the things that don’t. He likes to watch things and hope they all turn out okay. He says he cheers for our leaders to succeed. 

No matter where you are on the spectrum, it is an unsettling time right now. Some are upset a little bit; others are besides themselves about what is happening. Your and my nervous systems seek out calm. We want to feel safe and grounded. Being centered and at ease is far better than upset and unsettled. Feeling fearful is unpleasant for most folks. 

Surprisingly though, some individuals do actually enjoy chaos. When there are a lot of exciting things going on, some people thrive. I remember visiting a family in an apartment when their teenage girl ran to the sliding glass door screaming that the apartment across the way was on fire. When the adults checked, the neighbors had a grill on their deck and had lit the charcoal. This wasn’t the first or last time that teen girl seemed to seek out chaos. A small segment of people create chaos by being as unpredictable as possible, enjoying throwing others off kilter. Maybe they are so dissatisfied inside that they want to make your environment as unsettled as they are. Anyway, for whatever reason, some folks go against the rest of us who seek out calm and predictability. 

But let’s talk about the natural desire to move toward peace, grounding and calm. Most people live there. What does it take for you? There are common factors that make people calm, centered, and peaceful. But each of us have different behaviors and situations that lead to that grounded, calm peacefulness. When the world around you seems to be going crazy, what can you do, where do you go to come back to center? 

Your and my nervous systems seek out balance. We want to feel safe and grounded. I would argue that this is the main reason we do what we do in any situation in life. Our nervous systems are seeking balance, and we will do almost anything to get there, often without thought, unconsciously. But how we get there includes some very individual things for each person. 
 One might back off and retreat from the world, then they feel safer. Another might double down on involvement because the more active they are, the more they feel grounded. Each person does their grounding work uniquely. We can do this on purpose, not just unconsciously. But each of us must 1. Identify that we are upset and what is upsetting us, 2. Consider whether it is in our control to change, 3. Try to change it or learn to live with it (at least for now, since some things that can’t be changed now can be changed later). 

Some common themes: 1. You can’t calm down or get centered by just distracting yourself. 2. You must dig for honest answers to what is upsetting you, 3. You must take some action to rectify the situation to the extent you have the power to do so. 4. It is not helpful to obsess over your disturbing issues. The mind and body need breaks. Especially when things are on a national or global scale, we can’t think about it constantly and keep our sanity. The news will breathlessly tell you that you need to hear and be upset by this latest story. But you don’t. You can take charge of what you know and how you will use your energy and emotions. 

An old song said, “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands.” Hard to believe? An openly non-believing client once told me, “Things will work out, they always do.” And she was facing some difficult stuff. There isn’t a guarantee that it will work out. And you might need to vote, protest, take a stand or make some life adjustments in some way you never have before. But you can choose to trust. Trust there are good people working for good. Trust in God if you believe. Trust in yourself that you will do what is in your power, though imperfectly, to respond to the situation. Trust in what you do believe in.

During World War 1 after a terrible battle in Flanders Fields Belgium, beauty came to life. Red poppies, with seeds dormant for decades sprung up all over. Only because the ground was disturbed did they bloom. They inspired a Canadian doctor to write a beloved poem, and they became a symbol of remembrance. In the recent years of Russian invasion of Ukraine, they find hope in the sunflower, a symbol of life in Ukraine.  

While things are crazy (and they are always crazy at some level) we can still look for hope. You must take care of yourself; it is nobody else’s job to make sure you are okay. People who love you will help but you can’t count on them to know what you need and when you need it. You must get yourself the extra time in nature, the massages, the problem solving or whatever fills you up, whatever is more than distraction to you. Find it and do it, and you will be better able to deal with this unsettling time.