Live Your Life!

Here's a great summary of how we often live life: wishing it could be different. We often miss the reality of life because while actual events are happening we are full of thoughts of how it ought to be instead. Like a childish tantrum we say, "I don't like this! I want something else!" 

This causes us to miss out on real time experience, the imperfect relationship, the less than perfect day, the imperfect you. We’re not present because we reject what is really happening. What if you accepted some of the bad? You might experience the great along the way. 

Transcript

The car in front of you is going slow and you are in a hurry. How do you feel? Your spouse fixes your favorite side dish and puts the spice in it that you hate. What is your reaction? You pray and work hard to get a candidate elected that you think is best and the other guy wins. What do you tell yourself about that?

Not happy right? Wishing it was different and maybe cursing the situation as stupid or unfair, that’s what we often do. Our discontent with how things work out in life even extends to the weather. Planning to go outside and work today but it rains? You are frustrated. You want rain for your lawn and plants that are drying up, but it stays sunny? You complain. You’ve got errands to run in the car and it snows; you get angry. You want snow for Christmas, and it stays above freezing, you are disappointed. 

Do you know the word, “malcontent?” It’s somebody that is never contented, just unhappy with however things go, no matter how they go. He or she is just a malcontent. Many of us fit that description. “Things just never go my way,” you might say. Some complain about the lack of change saying, “Everything stays the same no matter what I do, just wash, rinse and repeat.” And the opposite, with complaints like “I can’t keep up with all the changes, it’s overwhelming.”

This malcontent is also evident in relationships. It’s easy to expect your friend to think the same way you do about musical artists, or about fashion, or sports teams, or foods you like. And spouses should of course anticipate our moods and needs. We come home tired, and they want attention when you just want to be left alone. Or we want attention when they come home because we’ve felt lonely or neglected while they were out, and they don’t cooperate. Got a conflict with extended family or at work? Why don’t those folks just see things your way? Why are they so unreasonable? 

You wake up with an ache or pain you didn’t have when you went to bed. How did that happen, you ask yourself. And you want it to go away. There is a lot to get done today but by early afternoon you are out of energy and just want to scroll on your phone or take a nap. You feel defeated, wishing it could be different. 

That’s a great summary of how we often live life, wishing it could be different. We often miss the reality of life because while actual events are happening we are full of thoughts of how it ought to be instead. It is the opposite of real time experience. We’re not present because of our rejection of what is happening.

So just give up changing anything, right? No, we can impact our lives and change outcomes in many situations by setting goals and working toward them. We are not helpless. But, we are also not God. We are not all powerful and able to make things just the way we want them to be. Maybe that is the appeal of the idea of the magic wand, just a wave of the wand and “poof” what you wish for appears. No matter how intriguing that idea is, we just don’t have magic wands. We can’t even make our bodies jump from place to place without some sort of transportation. The Star Trek “beam me up” trick isn’t available to us. It is a fact that our minds can jump from place to place, and back in time and forward in time. That may add to our unrealistic view of our limitations. Because we can do it in our heads, it seems we should be able to do it in real life. An anonymous author said, “The thought of a tiger, is not a tiger.” Even our fears need challenging by comparison to actual, tangible life. We are but mortals, limited in time and power. 

Here's an alternative: think of life as always changing, very little stays the same, and it is okay. And our power to control life is limited, and that is okay too. Stop the constant raging against how things are, Accept the limits of Mortality, Give up the fantasy of changing reality. 

Meditate on this: Get in a quiet place, if you can do so safely. Notice your body and relax any parts you feel are tense. Ask yourself, do you deny reality, wishing things you can’t change were different? Like everyone else, you have expectations of life. Are they realistic or unrealistic? Is there an area of life where you are in denial? It’s probably the things you think about the most, the things that get you most upset. Would you like to move toward acceptance instead of living in denial and striving? Do you resist or agree?

The Serenity Prayer addresses all of this: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.