Manage Anxiety and Tension

We live in an unsettled time. Many different things, from personal to global can make us wary, tense or upset. We go on living but with an unsettled background running all the time. 
What can you do? Can't control nature or politicians. But we can do some things ourselves to move away from a constant state of vigilance. 

Transcript

Wary, vigilant, on guard, tense. These words describe a lot of us, much of the time. Different things put us on guard, make us wary. Someone in dark clothing comes up behind you when walking alone at night. An acquaintance says something unsettling in a conversation. The news describes a big storm or fire in a distant place, but we feel the pain as if it’s right nearby. After posting thoughts on social media others respond to you with accusations and put downs. Your workplace starts to seem unstable. The direction of the country, the climate, or your own family make you fearful. 

There are many things that can scare us, put us on guard, make us wary. It’s actually a physical response. The first reaction to something that makes us uncomfortable is not conscious. I don’t decide my gut or shoulders should tense up; they just do. When I, or you see or feel a threatening thing we quickly perceive it with eyes, ears, or other senses. This happens so fast that at first, we have no words for it, but the body responds with that fight, flight, or freeze impulse. Some stop in their tracks, or freeze. Walking in my neighborhood we sometimes see bunnies hopping across yards. If they see us, they often stop and get completely still. I joke, making up words for the bunny, “you can’t see me, you can’t see me,” because it appears that they think if they are still, they take away the threat. 

Some people fight when scared. They get violent with words or fists. A man told me recently a different kind of fighting: when he is overloaded with work and afraid he won’t meet a deadline, he works late days and weekends to finish. He said he loses himself in the work, gets tunnel vision about getting it done. Often this makes him totally exhausted or sick.  

Another option is flight, which can be literal or mental. You can run away, or you can check out in your mind. Social media on phones can take us away for a while. Others walk away from jobs blaming the job, or walk away from relationships, blaming the other. It got scary and they chose to flee.  

The sources of threat for us can be small and incidental or they can be grand and existential. Unless you notice what is happening, the effect is not much different. You will feel wary, vigilant, on guard and tense. If we do notice what is happening the small things can have a rhythm; they come and we respond to them, then we can let them go as the threat passes. For the grand, global threats we may have continual wariness, ongoing vigilance, and constant tension. It becomes the background noise of life, staying on guard. 

Here is a parallel: In diagnosing depression there are some options to describe the way people experience depressed feelings. One kind is in big, overwhelming ways, another kind is continual like the steady drip of water on a rock, wearing it away. 

Ongoing sources of stress can create continual wariness, ongoing vigilance, and constant tension. Being on guard all the time increases cortisol which stresses the body. Like having the alarm on all the time. 

Once I had to get a simple medical test done in a very big hospital. The hospital was bright, clean and the staff were mostly helpful. The waiting area was just to one side of a large hallway with people on the other side waiting for a different service, and people walking through the middle on their way elsewhere. The fire alarm sounded. Lights flashed from the alarm units on walls. No one moved, apparently knowing this was a test or malfunction. And the fire alarm kept sounding, and lights flashed, on and on. It was unnerving. When a baby keeps crying, we often feel the need to calm the child and the noise. This alarm was that feeling at full volume. I wondered who could turn this off and why hadn’t they done it yet? And what about my test and that of others? The tests would surely be negatively affected by waiting through this flashing and wailing! It looked and sounded like we should all get out of there! Having an alarm on continuously is not good for the nervous system. 

Having our internal alarm on continuously is also not good for the nervous system. But first we must notice. If you live in a continually agitated state, you must pause and notice that this is not how you want to be. And you must even suppose there is a different way to live. You may not see flashing lights or hear an incessant beeping. But if you notice impatience, a quick startle reflex, or an inability to peacefully sleep, it may tell you that your alarm is on. You have to do something when the alarm is on. That’s why we have alarms. When they function normally, they serve a great purpose. They tell us to get out of danger! But of course, they malfunction at times, so when they go off too much or  too quickly when there is no great threat, we must find ways to respond. 

What we all want is for the reason for the alarm going off to change. We want it to be resolved. When the news is terrible it would be great for wars to end, politicians to behave decently, for killing and stealing to stop. And things do change but often one bad news item improves only to be replaced by a different terrible thing there is no sense of relief. 

And on a personal level, stresses come and come. Some just don’t go away. So, what can we do? We can learn to lower the tension, the tightness. Despite the trigger for anxiety, despite whatever brought you here, you can change your body response to it. 

The saying goes, tense body, tense mind; calm body, calm mind. The mind, in response to scary, upsetting things, can cause our body to be wary, vigilant, on guard, and tense; the mind is affecting the body. So too can our bodies affect our minds. In the other direction, when calm your body, it calms your mind. 

I recall a teenager in a home where I did some family counseling long ago. After many sessions on different days and topics we came to the time to close. The teen told me, “I’m not sure things have changed much but I feel a lot better about it.” Sometimes we can’t change the circumstances; they are out of our control. But we can think and feel different about them.  When you can allow that some things won’t change, but you want to not be emotionally controlled by them, then there are things you can do.

Find a comfortable position and get relaxed. Take a few long slow breaths, then don’t force the air back out, but allow the exhale to happen on its own. Notice your body from head to toe. Direct your attention to the top of your body, a bit at a time, down to your feet. When you think about body parts, muscles and joints you can do an inventory about whether they are tense or relaxed. When you find tension, you don’t have to judge it, just let it go. Flex and gently move anything you need to, so your focus there can be letting go of tightness that goes with being wary, vigilant, on guard, and tense. Just relax forehead, eyes, jaw, and neck. Then relax shoulders, arms and hands. Relax chest and shoulder blades, belly and back. Let your abdomen rest and your butt sit comfortably. Relax your hips and thighs, from knees to ankles, heels to toes. 

Notice, even marvel at your ability to relax your body. It doesn’t have to be tight, even when the circumstances are bad. At some level we believe if we tighten up, if we try to control things that life will be better. It is a lie. Faith, trust in God, and even trust in yourself are far better tools than tension. 

The temptation to tighten up will come again. The unconscious physical reaction will again bring us to be wary, vigilant, on guard, and tense. But notice and resist. Don’t condemn yourself or others for the tension. What you need is to notice the tightness and practice letting go. Let go of the fantasy of control and physically let go of the muscle tension that comes with being wary, vigilant, on guard, and tense. Practice peace; it is a journey not a destination. You can get better at this with time and practice. And may the God of peace be with you. 
 
 

“God gave us his Spirit. And the Spirit doesn’t make us weak and fearful. Instead, the Spirit gives us power and love. He helps us control ourselves.” -  2 Timothy 1:7 NIRV