Be Aware. See People.

Is there anything worse than blending into the woodwork, not being noticed, not being understood?  It's painful when it happens to you, right? But we can do that same disservice to others. 
What if we didn't go through our days on autopilot, too busy, or too preoccupied to see the real people all around us? 

Transcript

Look here. See people.

I have a friend who, during Christmas season passed a Salvation Army bell ringer on his way into the grocery store. It was cold and he asked the man ringing the bell, “Are you staying warm?” “I’m fine except for my hands,” he said, holding up arms to show his bare hands at the end of his warm coat sleeves. Without missing a step toward the grocery open doors, my friend said, “here, I’ve got extra gloves,” and handed the bell ringer the pair of gloves from his jacket pockets. “Thanks!” came back and my friend headed on into the store. He glanced back and the ringer already had the brown gloves on with his red coat, shaking away at his bell. 

How often do I, do you go past someone and not see them, and miss the chance to see a need and help? We’ve got a lot on our minds, with the state of the world today. And we busily go about what we have to do. During the holidays there is even more to think about, to get these items for the meal we are sharing, to get those presents for the people on our gift list.  And sometimes we are just busy for the sake of busyness.  Like going to a store just looking around to get ideas for something that you’re not quite sure of. 

Much of what I do, much of what you do is mindless, without present awareness. The body is one place, the mind somewhere else. Because we have wonderful complex minds that are wired to look for interesting things, especially problems, we can easily be one place physically but off somewhere else mentally. I’m here with you, but my mind can leave and go to the plans I have for later today. Or I might think back to last night recalling the television show I watched. While I am speaking you will likely fly out to your work or home and remember something you did or plan something that is coming up. It just happens. The body is confined to one place at a time and takes much effort to move, however, the mind can leave in a millisecond and jump from place to place, over and over again, backwards and forwards in time. 

First, it is helpful to recognize this and admit it. Your mind wanders off. But the next step is to try to work against it. I mean notice when your mind has wandered off and bring it back. Giving in to distraction shortens your attention span and keeps the life right in front of you from being experienced in real time. Be here now. Yes, your mind will wander but you can notice and bring it back to see the other humans around you right now.

You may live in a place where there are people on the street begging sometimes. Certain street corners in my city regularly have men and women with signs like, “homeless vet, need $40 for shelter,” or “will work for food,” or “anything will help.” Some people give them money; but most drivers look away and keep the windows rolled up. It is true that many who we think of as unhoused or homeless struggle with mental illness, physical disability, addiction and poverty. Some have higher education degrees but have lost everything. Others refuse to be in shelters or use the services available to them. We simply don’t know their story when we see them. 

A man told me his theory that they meet in the mornings, and are dropped off by someone who later collects them and the money in a scheme to rob the public who have sympathy for them. Another man expressed real anger when he talked about the poor; he was sure they could do better if they just worked harder. Maybe they are just a nuisance we don’t want to see, so laws are passed to keep them as hidden as possible. 

Do unto others what you would have them do to you. That’s the Golden Rule. It comes from the Bible, but it is commonly accepted even by nonreligious folks. It makes sense that in order to have a decent society that we treat other people the way we would like to be treated. The first place to start is our need to be seen. I’m not talking about the desire to make a scene or show off. No, the need to be seen is the need to be recognized as a human, a human with unique features. When someone else “gets us” we appreciate that, we feel love. When we are overlooked, disrespected or misunderstood it hurts; it’s not a good feeling. Living only a busy, hurried existence feels hollow after a while. Nothing really matters. No one really matters, including ourselves. It is all just function and surface level interactions. You are a tool for me to get what I want, just a means to an end. I am the same to you, just a step in an instrumental relationship. We can even do to this to God; God can become only a source for the circumstances we want. Worse, sometimes sight is just missing. People are right in front of us and we don’t see them at all, they are nonpersons. 

Being aware of the present moments, as they unfold, is good for us. It makes us more honest with ourselves, more grounded, less caught up in distractions, and open to compassion. When our present moments include other people and we see them, we acknowledge them, then it is a double blessing. They are seen and our awareness of them lands in a good place in our souls. 

My friend who gave away the gloves that day felt much better. He had an interaction that lasted a few moments. It helped another man avoid frostbite and be a little more comfortable. But the see-er, the giver, he has a lasting blessing because his mind and body were in the same place as another human being. They met, and were changed. 

Pause for a few moments and meditate on seeing those around you. First get calm and still. Close your eyes if it is safe to do so. Get centered in yourself by feeling the temperature in the room, hearing the sounds, smelling the smells, feeling the pressure of clothing and gravity. Notice your current surroundings. If you are in a place where others are nearby, extend your awareness to what they are doing, and what they mean to you. Probe your mind for emotions you feel toward them, gratitude for the impacts they have on your life. Allow the feelings of friction to come if they are there, but also sense the gifts they provide to you, and you to them.

Now imagine taking this awareness to your workplace, your groups, the streets where you live. Who is there you really need to see, not just drive by? Who needs to become more human to you, not just a means to an end? At a drive through window? In a store? On your street? In the house or apartment near you? It isn’t about guilt for what you might have done, but about the small gesture that you may still do, when you can participate in something both ordinary and divine.