Wishing Life was Simpler

When life gets complicated, we wish it was simple. And it's complicated a lot! Listen in for some ideas to manage life's complexity, and struggles. Maybe the answer is kind of simple. 

Transcript

I just wish things were simpler. This just shouldn’t be this hard. 

Does this ever come out of your mouth? Or if you don’t say it, do you feel it? 

I think it’s pretty common. We struggle with bad breaks, bad choices, or other people’s bad decisions making our lives harder. It’s normal to complain. For many, many years I have said, “things just shouldn’t be this hard!” I’m not sure how I knew how hard things should be, so I knew that I was getting it worse than the “proper” amount of hardness! But I complained anyway. 

It seems normal to wish life was easier, that you didn’t get sick or have accidents; we want things to go our way. It’s common to want the promotions at work and the comfortable house, vacations and life we see others have. It’s a little bit envy and a little bit sour grapes: “How come I didn’t get what she got when I work harder than her?” Or “I deserve it because I’m a good person.” Also, you want traffic to flow nicely and your children to be cooperative.

I think we believe an unwritten contract that if we do this, we get that. When you do what you think is reasonable, you feel you should be rewarded. Many times, that works out. Hard work yields results, smart choices lead to better outcomes than lazy uninformed ones. But wait, you know it’s coming, things just don’t always work out the way we want them to. 

On a grand scale think of all the suffering in countries where the people are hardworking but their leaders are corrupt and self-serving. They don’t deserve what they get. But we push examples like this out of our minds and believe in the “get something for giving something” contract. 

We inflict suffering on ourselves when we refuse to accept what happens in our lives. If you do your part and things go well, you often think nothing about it. Maybe you congratulate yourself that you deserved it. Or maybe you take a moment and are grateful. But if it doesn’t go as expected there is the surprise, then the anger, and the wrestling with entitlement, “I deserved better than this!” or “this is terrible, I can’t stand it!” But stand it we must; so will we go through it gracefully or complaining and moaning, making ourselves miserable and everybody around us miserable as well? 

What’s the balance? Is acceptance and honesty the same as being lazy and giving up on goals? 

I’m a good guy, I’m trying here, how come things aren’t working out? 

I’m a Christian, I’m doing the best I can, why is life so hard?

We raised our kids as best we can but they haven’t turned out well. Is it my fault or theirs?

Some say, “no good deed goes unpunished.” While life can feel like that at times, it’s a cynical dark attitude to live in.

The “glass half empty” or “glass half full” idea helps here. It is perspective. When you have deaths of people you love, when people at your work are sometimes uncooperative, when the car is making funny noises, do you look only at what is wrong? Or in the midst of loss and problems can you notice your spouse fixed a great meal, that there is a beautiful sunset tonight, that you have plenty of food in the house?

I think we crave things being simple because sometimes they are. We want life to go well because many times it does; friends smile with us, family love us, even stoplights stay green to let us through a lot of the time. 

When things stink, they are really hard, even then we can find things we enjoy, that are blessings. Really looking at the hard stuff, acknowledging it but not dwelling on it is okay. It’s good to be honest with your life. It’s not all hard, its not all good. Its both and both is okay. 

If you can do so safely, take a few minutes to meditate on this idea. Get in a comfortable position and relax. Close your eyes if possible. What are the things you have a hard time accepting? Think of one thing you find yourself fighting against in your thoughts. Do you wish someone you lost was still here? Do you want to replay a mistake you made that made life harder? Do you have someone in your life or even on the world stage you wish would behave differently? Saying “if only” to yourself or others is a sign you are trying to control the uncontrollable. Is there a hard thing that you need to accept? If you accept the truth about hard things it isn’t giving up, it’s being honest. Change the things you can, find grace to accept what you cannot change. If you are a believer, ask God to help you accept. When you need it, ask others to help you accept. Let go of trying to control and enjoy life as it is, not as you want it to be.